


Aquatic Teem Hungry Farce

by HyperDimensions23



Category: Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Genre: Crazy, Gen, Mystical
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-09-19 20:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9458396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyperDimensions23/pseuds/HyperDimensions23
Summary: The Aqua Teen's old foes return to wreak havoc upon New Jersey. Has a mystical flavor to it quite often I suppose.





	1. Cheez Whiz Dumb Cube

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wisdom cube returns.

**Aquatic Teem Hungry Farce Season 1**

Chapter 1. Cheez Whiz Dumb Cube

Rain poured and lightning flashed over an old gothic castle in New Jersey.

"Gentlemen, I now present unto you, my plan to create Mankind anew!" proclaimed Dr. Weird.

"Hmm okay." Steve said skeptically as the metal curtain rose and revealed a giant mechanical rabbit.

"Behold!" Dr. Weird exclaimed. "The Rabbot 2.0!"

"Moon Day, Mars Day, Mercury Day, Jupiter Day, Venus Day, Saturn Day, Sun Day! Moon Day..." chirped the Rabbot.

"Oh wow, I'm sure this will work out great!" Steve said sardonically.

Dr. Weird began laughing maniacally but was interrupted when the Rabbot 2.0 busted through the wall and escaped.

"Damn you Home Depot! You said these new walls were giant mechanical rabbit proof!" Dr. Weird growled while shaking his fist.

XXX

"Ow! Quit hitting me!" Meatwad cried.

"I know you ate that last burrito!" Shake said ka-smacking him with the fly swatter.

"Actually, I ate the last burrito." said Frylock.

"Yeah, so wail on him." said Meatwad.

"I will!" Shake exclaimed.

Frylock's eyes lit up. "Go ahead Shake, smack me with the fly swatter, see what happens."

Shake tossed the swatter onto the ground where it promptly exploded. "I will spare you this time Frylock."

"Yeah whatever." he replied. "I'm going out to get groceries, I'll be back in a few."

"Can I come? Can I please?" Meatwad begged.

"No, last time you came along someone tried to purchase you." Frylock said going to the door. He stepped outside and there sitting on the front lawn was a five by five foot multi-colored cube.

"Oh dear God!" he exclaimed. "There's another one!"

"Hey! Hey!" spoke the cube. "Would you like to hear all the wisdom in the universe?"

"No thanks, been there, done that!" Frylock said walking or rather floating away.

"Hey wait, I bet you ran into my cousin's step-son twice removed, the dumbassahedron. Didn't you?"

"Yeah, somethin' like that." replied Frylock.

"Sorry about that, he's such a dorkatron." said the cube. "I'm the real wisdom cube!"

"Okay, so tell me then." spoke Frylock. "What is the true origin of the universe. Did it originate on its own, or was it created by God? If so, whence came God?"

"Okay." began the cube. "Long, long, long, looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-"

Frylock folded his brow. "Okay we get it!"

"Long ago." the cube continued. "All of the great sages and philosophers of the world gathered in one place so as to determine the origin of life, the universe, and everything. For days on end they sat and pondered this question meditating on it."

"Then what happened?" Frylock asked curiously.

"Then they figured out it was a mystery!" replied the cube.

"Alright, f@ck this! I'm out of here!" said Frylock.

"No wait, don't go!" the cube cried. "I have so much wisdom!"

"Then you had better come up with some real answers!" Frylock told him.

"Okay." the wisdom cube said. "In the beginning..."

"Hey freaks! Get off my lawn!" Carl yelled.

Frylock and the knowledge cube scooted over and began again. "In the beginning... there was rock 'n roll!"

"G@#mnit cube!" Frylock said angrily.

"Okay, okay! For real this time." the cube said. "Ahem! In the beginning, there was darkness and light. The light shone in the darkness but the darkness did not understand it. The darkness had something the light wanted and the light was prepared to take it. There was war in the heavens and darkness nearly took over the light but then..."

"But then what?" Frylock asked.

"But then..."

"Yes? Yes?" Frylock asked anxiously.

"I forget." replied the cube.

Frylock got angry and turned to leave again. "This was a waste of time!"

"Wait!" the cube cried. "Listen, I need fuel for my machinery to work. That's why I came to your planet, to search for a fuel source to power my galactic intelligence."

"Well why didn't you say so?" Frylock said. "What do you need? Biodieseal, methane, or maybe some ethanol?"

"No, I need Whiz. Cheez whiz." the cube said solemnly.

"You can't be serious."

"I'm serious." replied the cube.

"Well, I was going to go to the grocery store." Frylock said. "You're welcome to come with me."

"Awesome!" the cube said tagging along. Together, Frylock and the knowledge cube went down to the local grocery store, Loaf N' Krug.

"My incomprehensible being that has no beginning or end!" exclaimed the cube. "So many different flavors to choose from!"

On the shelves were tons of Cheez Whiz flavors. There was cheddar, american, parmesan, not yo' taco, monterey john, chocolate, sushi, and interestingly enough to me, jalapeño marshmallow!

"I want some of this and some this and... oh! Some of this too!" the cube said levitating objects into the kart.

"Um.. sorry but we don't have a lot of money." Frylock informed him. "We can't get all of this stuff."

"Oh no, it's cool dude. I'll pay for it." the knowledge cube told him.

"Well then, think I'll get me a bigfoot big pan pizza then!" Frylock said grabbing a buffalo chicken and anchovies frozen pizza.

555.55 the cash register rang.

"Okay just let me get my credit card." said the scholarship cube. "I had it just a minute ago."

Frylock and the cashier waited patiently while the sophistication cube searched for its wallet.

"Oops, whaddya know?" he said. "Looks like I lost it!"

"D#%$mnit!" Frylock growled. "Now we gotta put all this crap back!"

Frylock muttered curses as he drug home two bags full of cheez whiz. "This had better work!"

"Hey Frylock!" Meatwad and Shake greeted him.

"So, did you get those chicken burritos I lik- I mean WE like?" Shake asked.

"Shoot no!" said Meatwad. "He got popsicles for me! They're nutritious and delicious."

"I got neither of those." he said plopping the bags down. "Hope you're all hungry for cheez whiz, 'cause that's all we got."

Shake's eyes became wide. "You got nothing but cheez whiz! I need my protein! How do you think I keep up these manly biceps?"

"What biceps?" asked Frylock.

"Mmm, nom nom nom!" the cube said as he ate the cheez whiz, cans and all.

"Hey!" Frylock yelled. "That was all the food we had!"

"Burp! Yeah sorry." the cube replied. "But in return for fueling me I will answer some of your questions."

"What's on tv at seven tonight?" Meatwad a.k.a Metawad asked.

"A new episode of My Cat From the World of Darkness." the cube replied.

Shake opened the tv guide book and looked. "My incomprehensible being beyond time and space, he's right!"

"Okay, okay." Frylock said. "But let's try to ask some more meaningful questions. How come there is so much suffering in the world? Is there not a God? Does God not give a monkey crap? Is it the natural result of abusing our freewill? There must be a cause for Mankind's suffering."

"Dracula." answered the cube.

"Wha- what!?" Frylock exclaimed.

"You asked why the world is filled with suffering and sorrow." the cube replied. "I answered because Dracula."

"So you're saying Dracula is the cause of the world's sorrow, the root of Mankind's suffering?" Frylock asked for clarification.

"Yuuuuuuuuuuup!!!!" answered the cube of wisdom.

"I knew it all along!" said Shake. "I tell people all the time, hey! The world is bad because of Dracula!"

"Well can you elaborate a little on that?" Frylock requested.

Shake looked down at Meatwad. "You heard me say it's Dracula, didn't you?"

"Shoot no." he replied.

The whiz dumb cube spoke again. "The world is being controlled by a Wizard Dracula. A type of phantom who feeds off of people's pain. Its being extends through time aswell as space and through its appendages, who function as worker ants do for a queen, it orchestrates events which cause massive pain and heartache so that it can feed itself on the psychic energy that pain creates."

"And you're sure about this?" asked Frylock.

"Oh yeah, totally bro." replied the philosophy cube.

Frylock started to ask another question but was interrupted by Shake who asked, "Oh, oh! Oh mighty intelligence cube, will I ever get laid?"

"Yuuuuuuuup!!!!!" he answered.

"Woo!" Shake exclaimed. "Did you hear that?"

"Will I?" Meatwad asked.

The cube was silent for a moment, then replied. "No."

"Oh shoot." Meatwad said glumly.

"Ha! In your face!" Shake said leaning over and mocking him.

"How can we stop the pain in the world?" asked Frylock.

"Simple." said Shake. "Put a galactic stake through Space Dracula's cybernetic heart!"

"I wasn't asking you!" he said.

The cheez whiz dumb cube was silent for a moment, then spoke unto them saying, "You must make the two into one."

"I don't understand what this means." Frylock said.

The cube went outside and floated up into the sky. Before it left it turned to him and said unto him. "There will come a day when you will understand and believe the things I have said unto you. Until then my friend, be passerby."

The aqua teens stood in astonishment as the wisdom cube ascended into heaven.

"I believe him." said Meatwad.

"Me too." said Frylock.

"Ah, he didn't tell me anything I didn't already know." Shake bragged.

Suddenly, a much larger cube descended upon them.

"You've returned!" Frylock exclaimed.

"Nope." the cube replied. "Hey listen, I'm looking for my step-brother's best friend, the Cheez Whiz Dumb Cube. Have any of you seen him?"

"Nope!" replied Shake.

"Actually, I think we may have." Frylock answered. "Can you describe him?"

"Yeah sure." the cube said. "He's about this tall, about this wide, quotes the Gospel of Thomas a lot and... oh yeah! He eats tons of cheez whiz can and all."

"Doesn't ring a bell." Meatwad answered.

"No! We seen him!" Frylock said. "But uh... he kind of flew off."

"Oh crapadoodles!" the cube sighed. "Welp, see ya later alligator."

"No wait!" Frylock cried. "If he wasn't the true wisdom cube then who is?"

"I am." the cube replied.

"You are?" Frylock asked.

"I am that I am." the cube answered. "Because I am who am. Before wisdom, I am. Before cube, I AM!"

"So then can you answer a few questions?"

"Why should I, The Supreme Cube of Wisdom at the End of Time, answer questions from a box of fries?" The Supreme Wisdom Cube at the End of Time asked.

"You're right." Frylock said. "You probably have better things to do."

"Do to thy humbleness I shall grant thee three tree knee questions." replied the cube.

"Why is there so much suffering in the world?" he asked again.

The cube answered unto him saying, "Cause Dracula."

"Okay, well where did the universe originate?"

The cube was silent for a moment then answered unto him saying, "You and everything you see including me are held within the mind of one being. Everything in the material word is symbolic of the unfoldment of psychological processes within the great invisible mind."

"How can one be freed from all this, or is there a way out?" asked Frylock.

"Where there is a will there is a way." replied the cube. "The answer is t..."

CRUSH! Just then, the Rabbot smashed the wisdom cube.

"Moon Day, Mars Day, Mercury Day, Jupiter Day, Venus Day, Saturn Day, Sun Day! Moon Day..." the Rabbot beeped.

"No!" Frylock cried.

"Moon Day, Mars Day, Mercury Day, Jupiter Day, Venus Day, Saturn Day, S-" BOOM! the Rabbot exploded into a thousand and one tiny pieces.

"Why did he do that?" Meatwad asked.

"Why wouldn't he?" Shake answered.

XXX

I hope you enjoyed this if you'd like to see more let me know!


	2. T2: Turkatron Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turkatron returns to continue his unending combat against the Chickens.

**Aquatic Teem Hungry Farce Season 1**

Chapter 2. T2: Turkatron Returns

Rain poured and lightning flashed over an old gothic castle in New Jersey.

"Gentlemen, behold!" exclaimed Dr. Weird. "Its begins... again!"

"What begins?" Steve asked. "Its as in the possessive or it's as in it is?"

"Stop making my brain hurt!" the doctor yelled.

XXX

"Sock knock!"

"Who's there?" Meatwad asked as Frylock answered the door.

Frylock groaned. "Oh no, not you again!"

"Behold! It is I, Turkatron 5000!" spoke the mechanical turkey.

"Oh, so it's Turkatron 5000 now is it?" Frylock asked.

"Yes, the rogue chicken cyberpsychologists upgraded me with the latest techno-spiritual software so that I may shift dimensions and complete my secret mission to unassassinate the ancestor of Goblox, the great turkey bodhisattva!" replied Turkatron now Turkatron 5000.

"Mhm, well that's great." Frylock said. "But there aren't any turkeys here."

"So you might think Fry-person. But nothing is what it seems to be on the surface, beneath the appearance lies a deeper reality that can only be comprehended by those with eyes to see and nostrils to smell." spoke Turkatron 5000 from now on just plain Turkatron.

"Well, I guess if you want to hang out a bit, that's cool." Frylock said letting him in.

Turkatron scanned the area with his astral vision. "Not detecting any turkeys or chickens."

"Like I said, there aren't any here pal." Frylock told him.

"But there will be." Turkatron said. "There will be."

"Alright, have fun." Frylock said going back to his lab.

"I'm bored, wanna play a game?" Meatwad asked.

"There can be no games meat creature." replied Turkatron. "Life is struggle. Struggle between the turkeys and chickens who have fought a never ending war with each other in this and other galaxies. Other worlds and other dreams sometimes suspected but rarely known."

Meatwad turned on his Atari game system and began playing Space Invaders.

"This reminds me of a great battle that took place in another round with another person who felt himself to be I just as I feel myself to be I today. A battle whose fury was so great it reverberated throughout all time recreating itself in its own image again and again with different faces for all of eternity." Turkatron rambled.

"Oh shoot, I died." Meatwad said. "Here, you try."

Turkatron picked up the controller and began playing. "No one knows when the intergalactic war between chickens and turkeys began and no one knows when or if it will ever end. Perhaps no one wants it to end. Perhaps warriors don't want to win but merely to struggle."

"Holy! You done got the high score!" Meatwad exclaimed as the scoreometer read 666,666.

"Ah, a synchronicity!" Turkatron exclaimed upon seeing his score.

"Yeah, a synyoshitsniffy." said Meatwad.

"Die chickens, die!" Turkatron said pressing the red button as fast he could.

"Oh shidamn, thay got ya." Meatwad said as Turkatron lost a life.

"The chickens have high-jacked this timeline!" Turkatron said whipping out his laser-guided sock.

BOOM! The tv blew up after Turkatron shot it.

"Hey! That's our tv!" Frylock shouted as he came in to see what caused the noise.

"It was emitting a micro-frequency which demetabolized the atoms within your bodies making you more susceptible to the chicken's diabolical influence." Turkatron replied. "The frequencies from your televisions and radios are dangerous. They contain astral waves that imbed your subconscious mind with suggestions sent from dark chicken magicians."

"Get out!" Frylock commanded and Turkatron exited.

Shake walked in having awoken from his nap. "Hey guys, did I miss anything?"

"Nope." Frylock and Meatwad replied.

XXX

Turkatron scanned Carl's house. "Hmm, that's suspicious."

"One and two and one and two and..."

"Oh yeah!" Carl exclaimed. "This Butt Master Yoga dvd is freakin' awesome!"

CRASH! Turkatron burst through the window.

"Hey! Ever heard of a door bell?" Carl asked angrily.

Turkatron ignored him and aimed his laser-guided sock at the television.

"No!" Carl cried as the tv burst into flames.

"I have saved you from the corruption and filth the chickens create." Turkatron declared.

"You saved me from havin' a good time there too buddy!" Carl complained.

"Long, long ago my friend, you too were once a turkey." Turkatron told him.

"Oh really? Did I go around blowin' up people's tvs like a douche too?" he asked.

"No, the great war hadn't reached such grandiose proportions yet." Turkatron answered. "It was during a past that may still be our future, in the endless fields of Turkeysylvania. We were gathered to celebrate the once and future king the avatar Goblox. The Turkey from another place."

"And this has what to do with me Turkey man?" Carl asked impatiently.

"You were there. You were my brother. Your blood was still pure because you had not yet mixed with monkeys and chickens and devolved into a human yet. A yet that was once before in another dream long forgotten."

"You're stupid." Carl told him.

"You have fallen into a deep spiritual sleep." Turkatron said. "But I can help you to transmute yourself into a full blooded turkey again. Goblox will be awaiting us beyond the stars."

"He's gonna be waitin' a long time." Carl said popping open a beer.

"Don't drink that!" Turkatron exclaimed ka-smacking it out of his hands. "That contains mind control poisons to destroy what little turkey dna you have left!"

"Touch my beer again and you won't have any turkey dna left either." Carl said.

"You've been lost to the chickens. They have totally corrupted you. I feared this day would come. A day that isn't a day and a come that never comes." Turkatron said.

Carl continued to gulp down beer. Turkatron left and continued searching for Goblox. He searched and searched outwards until finally, exhausted, he began to search for Goblox within. There he would find him, a him who wasn't him, but her, and him aswell. Beyond the stars Goblox was waiting, gathering his army for a great battle against the chickens. A battle that had taken place before and would take place again but with others in a totally different dream that is still yet forever the same.


	3. Chaos of the Saturnites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Saturnites engage the Aqua Teens in an epic battle of cosmic proportions that will decide the fate of the entire cosmos. Lol.

**Aquatic Teem Hungry Farce Season 1**

Chapter 3. Chaos of the Saturnites

XXX

Rain poured and lightning flashed over an old gothic castle in New Jersey.

"Gentlemen, behold!" Dr. Weird exclaimed as a giant black monolith lowered down.

"What is it?" Steve asked as a light shone and revealed the new Butt Master Yoga Special Training Super Fitness Program.

"Butt Master Yoga! Ha ha ha!" Weird laughed.

"Oh great!" Steve said. "I really need to tone my buns!"

Dr. Weird's expression became serious. "No Steve, I have a much more grandiose purpose in mind." he smiled strangely. "With this yoga fitness program, I will attain to Mankind's true destiny and purpose in the world. I will rise to the summit of power and become co-creator with God!"

"What will you do once you attain godhood?" Steve asked.

Dr. Weird smiled. "Create a universe in my own image." Steve shuddered with terror as the doctor laughed maniacally.

XXX

Carl banged on the Aqua Teen's door. "Pissed off knock!"

"Just ignore him, he'll go away eventually." Shake said.

Frylock opened the door. "Hey Carl!"

"Look at my car!" Carl yelled. Upon hiss car it was written "Saturn rules! # 666."

"Shidamn Carl, sorry to hear about your car." Frylock replied.

"Every time something funny happens around here it's somehow connected to you people." Carl said.

Suddenly, a spacecraft landed outside and out came two little men, square-shaped and two-dimensional like Atari game graphics. One was large and black, the other was small and orange.

"I think we know what happened to your car Carl." said Frylock.

"Hey, you the ones who wrote that crap on my car?" asked Carl.

"Yes." the large black square replied. "We're the Saturnites and we come from the planet Saturn. I am Hyperion and this is Paaliaq."

"We rule!" the little orange one, Paaliaq, added.

"Let's see how much you rule when I kick your asses!" Carl said charging at them.

The Saturnites reformcombobulatified into the hexagon glacier, a form of the dodeca laser, and fired a super beam at Carl which transported him exactly six-hundred and sixty-six miles away.

"Where am I?" Carl asked looking around.

"Welcome to the playboy bunny mansion." a cute blonde said. "You must be our special guest!"

"Jackpot!" he exclaimed.

XXX

Meanwhile, back in Jersey.

"Hey! What did you do to our neighbor?" Frylock asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Hyperion said mockingly.

"That is why he asked." Paaliaq said.

"You'll find your friend Fry-person, in due time!" Hyperion stated drawing laughter from Paaliaq.

"Hey, y'all wanna come play Atari with me?" Meatwad asked.

"Hell yeah!" Paaliaq exclaimed.

"Okay, this here game is called E.T." Meatwad said turning on the system.

"Hate it." said Paaliaq.

"What!?" Meatwad exclaimed. "But you only played it for one second!"

"Worst second of my life."

"Why don't you have an Xbox One?" Hyperion inquired.

"Well we can't afford nothin' like that." Meatwad answered so Hyperion materialized an Xbox One out of thin air.

"Alright!" Meatwad said happily.

"Hey!" exclaimed Shake. "Can you materialize me a Camaro?"

"One and done milkshake." Hyperion said with the snap of his finger, manifesting a green Camaro on the front lawn.

"How on earth are you able to do that?" Frylock asked in amazement.

"Not on earth Fry creature, but on Saturn." he replied.

"Yeah man, Saturn is the demiurge!" Paaliaq added.

"You mean the ancient gnostics were right?" Frylock asked.

"The ancient whostics?" the Saturnites asked.

"Nevermind, just some old scriptures." Frylock said. "So does everyone from planet Saturn have this ability?"

"Only the Lords of Saturn can do such things." Hyperion replied.

"What is Saturn?"

"Saturn is the Lord of Darkness, the Prince of this world, Santa Claus." Hyperion answered.

"Santa!" exclaimed Meatwad. "Did he bring me presents?"

"It's July Meatwad." Frylock said turning back to the Saturnites. "You can't be serious, Santa?"

"Yes Fry being, I am serious." Hyperion replied. "Santa Claus is the Grim Reaper, Death, Father Time, which is to say the black father at the end of time. Santa is the lord of karma keeping a list of who is naughty or nice and delivering gifts or pieces of coal depending upon that person's deeds."

"So I'm not getting a pony?" Meatwad asked.

"Shut up and play your Xbox!" Paaliaq told him.

"Hmm okay." he said picking up the controller.

"I will tell you a secret Fry being, rearrange the letters of Santa to find a clue to life." Hyperion said.

Frylock gasped. "I can't believe it!"

"Believing is being." Hyperion stated.

"Yeah dude, you heard 'em." Paaliaq added.

XXX

"This is the best thing that has ever happened to me." Carl said to the playboy bunny girl as she fed him a plate of nachos.

"Glad to have another satisfied customer!" she said.

XXX

"But this still doesn't explain what happened to Carl." Frylock said.

"Well if you want him back I can arrange that." Hyperion replied.

"Yeah sure." he answered.

"Okay baby." said the playboy model. "Think you're ready for round two?"

"I was born ready!" Carl answered, but just as the playboy bunny girl took off her bra, he was zapped back to the Aqua Teen's place.

"Carl! You're back!" Frylock exclaimed.

"Who the hell wished me back!?"

"Well I did." Frylock answered.

"Come here Fry man! Let me give you hug!" he said running toward him.

"Now calm down Carl, we were just worried about you!" Frylock said floating away.

"I had playboy bunny girls feeding me nachos! You ruined it!" Carl screamed.

"Really? They zapped you to a playboy bunny mansion!?" Shake asked.

"Yes, it was the best thing that ever happened to me." Carl said sorrowfully.

"Zap me! Zap me!" Shake told the Saturnites, so they re-reformcombobulatified again and zapped him.

"Alright, here come the playboy bunny girls!" Shake said with great anticipation. There was a sound rustling in the bushes. "Oh, that must be the girl!" he thought, but suddenly, a giant marsupial scorpion grabbed Shake and ate him!

XXX

Back in Jersey again...

"Bored." said Hyperion.

"Bored. Bored." said Paaliaq.

"So bored." Hyperion resaid. "Very bored."

"So totally bored dude." Paaliaq added.

"Let's play Dragon Ball Xenoverse!" Meatwad said.

"I find that an acceptable proposition." said Hyperion.

"Yeah dude, me too." Paaliaq added.

"Alright!" Meatwad exclaimed after he defeated Hyperion for the tenth time.

Hyperion got mad and threw down the controller which exploded. "Alright, that's it! We're leaving!" he said angrily.

"See ya later alligator!" Paaliaq said as they got into their spacecraft and left. After they left, the Xbox and Camaro disappeared.

"Bummer." said Meatwad. "Oh well, back to Atari. Maybe Saturn Claus will bring me a Nintendo for Christmas."


	4. Too Hot Too Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Master Shake, Ezekiel, and the Plutonians engage in an ultimate death battle for global supremacy. Lmao.

**Aquatic Teem Hungry Farce Season 1**

Chapter 4. Too Hot Too Cool

XXX

Rain poured and lightning flashed over an old gothic castle in New Jersey.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and critters, behold! A new chapter of Ranma & Ukyo's Cupid!" Dr. Weird exclaimed maniacally.

"Um... Dr. Weird." Steve said. "Wrong fanfic!"

"Huh? Ah! Yes!" he said clearing his throat. "Gentlemen, behold! My plan to turn all the seas on this planet into bbq sauce!"

"Fool!" exclaimed Steve. "That will never work!"

XXX

"Shake, you're back!" exclaimed Frylock.

"Shoot." Meatwad said.

"So, did you eat nachos at the playboy bunny mansion?" Frylock asked.

"Oh yeah totally." Shake answered, neglecting to mention the marsupial scorpion.

"Well we're glad you're back." Frylock said.

"I ain't." Meatwad said. "I haven't been hit in a week."

"Now Meatwad." Frylock reprimanded softly.

Shake yawned and went to the Master Shake bedroom to take a nap. "All those girls and nachos made me exhuasted."

XXX

Meanwhile, up in space, the Plutonians were hatching a diabolical plan to take over the world.

"Soon ve shall take over ze world!" said Oglethorpe.

"Well how we gonna do that?" Emory asked.

"With this!" he answered, holding up a vial.

"Woohoo!" Emory cheered. "Wait, what is that?"

Oglethorpe smiled sinisterly. "Herr Shake's DNA."

XXX

Frylock woke up to loud sounds of laughter. "Shake, it's three in the morning." he said. "Can you please keep it down."

"Hey Frylock!" said Shake. "Come check this out, there's this fanfic called Ranma & Ukyo's Cupid, it's hilarious!"

"I don't care Shake!" Frylock said. "Just keep it down so I can sleep."

"Alright, alright. Sheesh. I'll keep it down." Shake assured him.

Frylock went back to his room, turned off the light, and closed his eyes. "Off to never never land."

"HA HA HA!!!" Shake exclaimed.

"Goddamnit Shake!" Frylock yelled.

"No seriously." Shake said. "You won't believe what was in Olga's backpack."

"Go the fizzity-uck to sleep Shake!" yelled Frylock.

XXX

The next day...

"Shake knock!"

"Who's there?" Meatwad asked as Frylock answered the door.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed. "Hey Shake, you better come down here man."

"What, can you ingrates do nothing by yourselves?" Shake whined. "It's always Shake this and Shake that, Shake the refrigerator is on fire..."

"Shut up and look!" Frylock told him. Standing at the door was a cute miniature Shake.

"Well, obviously I have many fans due to the fan fictions I write." Shake said.

"Daddy!" the mini-Shake cried running to him.

"Daddy!?" Frylock and Meatwad exclaimed.

"Now hold on a minute little fella." Shake said pushing him away. "I ain't your papa, I had a vasectomy."

The little Shake began to cry. "Waaaahhhh!!! You no love me!" Shake started to ka-smack the small Shake but two authorities showed up at the door.

"Are you Master Shake?" they asked.

"Well I am the master." he replied.

"We have proof that this child carries your dna, the mother is dead therefore you are responsible for it."

"And what if I don't?" he asked.

"This." the authorities answered, dangling handcuffs in front of him.

"Son!" he cried hugging the tiny Shake.

"Well, perhaps you'll learn some responsibility now." Frylock said.

XXX

"We sure fooled them." Emory said taking off his mask.

"Oh ja, totally dude!" replied Oglethorpe.

"So, how do we take over the world again?" Emory asked.

"Did you implant Herr Mini-Shake with the proton-nucleus gammaton bomb?" Oglethorpe asked.

"The what?" Emory asked. "You didn't say anything about that, you just said tell 'em to raise the kid."

"Scheisse!"

XXX

"So what's his name?" Meatwad asked.

"Hmm, how about Shakerooni to the Shanoony!" Shake asked.

"How about Billy?" asked Meatwad.

"No!" Shake said. "He needs a unique name."

"How about a foreign name like Nyūjājīmūn vu~anpaia?" Frylock suggested.

"No way! Makes him sound like a wuss!" Shake complained.

"How about Goku?" said Meatwad.

"I've got it!" Shake exclaimed. "Too Hot, Too Studley!"

"Really Shake?" Frylock asked. "Too Hot Too Studley? That's gonna be his name?"

"Yes! He'll be a hit with the ladies!"

"They'll make fun of him in school." Meatwad said.

"Too Hot Too Studley is too hot too cool for school!" Shake informed him.

"Then how's he gonna get a job?" Frylock inquired.

"Too Hot Too Studley is too hot too cool for employment too!" Shake replied adding, "Besides, the women will pay for everything."

"Where you going?" Frylock asked as Shake and Too Hot Too Studley headed toward the thing commonly known as a door.

"Out." Shake refried beans. "To pick up some chicks."

"Fat chance!" Frylock told him.

Two hours, twenty-two minutes, two seconds and twenty-two nano-seconds later, Shake Master and Too Hot Too Studley both re-returned with two tall busty blondes.

"We're baaaaaack!" Shake called arrogantly.

"Hey! How did you find these girls?" Frylock asked.

"I told ya, chicks dig fan fiction writers. It makes them horny." Shake replied adding, "Why don't you try uploading a story to sour cream and chives of our own to find out!"

Shake and Too Hot Too Studley both took the girls up to Shake's room.

"What they gonna do up in there?" Meatwad asked.

"Ummm, play checkers!" Frylock answered.

"I wanna play!" Meatwad shouted.

"Not those kind of checkers, the bad kind of checkers." Frylock told him.

"The bad kind?"

"The kind that makes babies." Frylock added.

"You mean to tell me playin' checkers is what makes babies?" Meatwad asked in astonishment.

"Well, it's a special alchemical type of checkers known only to initiates." Frylock said. "You can't get pregnant playing regular checkers."

"So all that bullshmagus about the stork was a lie all along?" Meatwad asked for clarification.

"I'm sorry Meatwad, but the stork is a myth, just like Charlemagne." Frylock answered.

Loud banging could be heard upstairs and the girls screamed, "Oh ja Milch Schütteln pfund meine muschi!"

Frylock plugged Meatwad's ears. "You don't need to hear this."

"I'm gettin' on google translate later hehehe!" Meatwad giggled.

"Don't you even dare!" Frylock warned him.

"I'm gonna!" he said.

Frylock knocked on the ceiling with his fry. "Hey Shake! You mind keeping it down up there? There's children around."

XXX

The next day or whatever...

"Alright Too Hot Too Studley, let's go pick up chicks."

"Okay daddy." Too Hot Too Studley replied and together they went searching for chicks.

"Damnit, yesterday just had to be a fluke." said Frylock. "Come on Meatwad, let's go see what he's up to."

Downtown clown frown at the local bookstore...

"Hey ladies!" exclaimed Shake. "So ya like to read do ya? Yeah, I'm an author myself, post some fanfics on anchovies of our own."

"The women are ignoring him, just as I thought." Frylock whispered.

"Daddy, why don't I have a mommy?" Too Hot Too Studley asked on cue.

"Cause mommy wanted to bang someone other than daddy." Shake answered.

"They're still ignoring him." Frylock said putting down the binoculars. Too Hot Too Studley zapped the women with his sex beam supreme.

"Why don't you come back to our place?" the Raquel Welch look-a-like asked.

"Hey! Did you just see that!?" Frylock asked.

"Yeah, Bigfoot Big Pan Pizza on sale for $10!" Meatwad said.

"No, not that!" said Fryman. "Too Hot Too Studley used some kind of mind control ray on those women to make them sleep with Shake."

"Yeah well, as Francis Bacon would say... pizza time!" Meatwad exclaimed running toward the pizza place.

"Damnit Meatwad, no!" Frylock said going after him.

"Pizza time, pizza time, pizza time!" Meatwad sang all the way to the cash register. "Yeah, I want one Bigfoot Big Pan Pizza with pineapple, jalapeños, baby portabella mushrooms, anchovies, and marshmallows."

Meanwhile...

"Have you ever been with a milkshake baby?" Shake asked.

She giggled. "No, it'll be like losing my virginity all over again."

As Shake mounted her, Too Hot Too Studley again zapped her with his sex beam bean burrito supreme, thus making it seem like the greatest 'you know what' she'd ever had.

"That was amazing!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, it was good for me too babe." Shake replied confidently.

Later...

"This is some good pizza." Meatwad said gnawing on the crust. "I love the guacamole stuffed crust."

"That's not guacamole." Frylock said. "It's molded cheese, cause that damn pizza is over a week old!"

"Hey, no harm no foul." Meatwad said and continued eating.

"And Shake is still bringing home a babe every night!" Frylock complained.

"Jealous?" Shake asked as he came from his room.

"No!" Frylock said.

Shake sighed. "Not everyone can be the accomplished writer that I am."

"My fanfic has twice the kudos that yours does despite being a less popular fandom and a less popular pairing!" Frylock said adding, "And the only reason women sleep with you is 'cause Too Hot Too Whatever keeps zapping them with a mind control beam!"

Shake gasped. "I can't believe you would bring an innocent child into this! All because you are jealous of my virility."

"Yeah, whatever." Frylock grumblemumbled, which is grumbling and mumbling at the same time.

"Tell ya what Frylock." spoke Shake. "Since I'm such a nice guy, why don't you come along babe huntin' with me and the Stud tonight."

Taken back by Shake's generous offer, Frylock answered, "Thank you Shake, I think I will."

"What about me?" asked Meatwad.

"Eat your guacamole stuffed crust." Frylock told him.

"Mmkay."

XXX

"Chrr-pfüüh, chrr-pfüüh, chrr-pfüüh!" Oglethorpe snored.

"Hey man, we like, gonna do anything?" Emory asked.

"Why have you awakened me from my dreams of world domination!?" Oglethorpe asked angrily.

"Well, I found the remote to the Mini-Shake you made." Emory said. "I figured you'd wanna know about it."

"Ah yes, very good Emory." a happy Oglethorpe said. "Now initiate phase two of our world domination scheme!"

Emory became puzzled. "What is phase two?"

"Damnit!" Oglethorpe shouted as he threw himself against the wall in a fit of rage.

"Just calm down man." Emory told him. "We'll figure somethin' out."

XXX

Frylock, Too Hot Too Studley, and Master Shake approached three busty babes at the mall.

"Hey baby, wanna see my reviews?" Shake asked the busty brunette.

She started to tell him to get lost, but Too Hot Too you know the rest intervened and she instead replied, "I wanna see more than your reviews milkypoo."

"Hot mama!" Shake exclaimed.

"Hey sexy, guess how many kudos my fanfic got?" Frylock asked the busty violette, that's someone with purple hair in case you didn't know. Too Hot Too Studley didn't even have to intervene, the crazy girl wanted him for real.

"I hope you wrote one for Star Trek!" she exclaimed.

"As a matter of fact, I did!" Frylock replied. "It's a crossover with Star Wars where Han Solo and Spock..."

"Sorry! It can never work between us!" she said running off.

"Damnit!" Frylock growled, turning to Too Hot You Know His Name, "You were supposed to zap her!"

"You're not my daddy!" Too Hot Too Studley complained.

"What a bunch of bullfrog." Frylock yelled slamming his fries on the table.

"See ya later tonight Fryloser." Shake said walking off with the busty brunette.

XXX

That evening, the Plutonians landed on the Aqua Teen's lawn. "Prepare to meet your doom Aqua Teens!" Oglethorpe shouted.

"Excuse me!" Frylock said lighting up his eyes. "You wanna run that by me again?"

"Hey man, it's all him, I just wanted to play hacky sack." spoke Emory, backing away.

"Where is Herr Mini-Shake?" Oglethorpe demanded to know.

"Mini-Shake?" Frylock asked. "You mean Too Hot Too Studley don't you?"

"Oh look, a geniustein!" Oglethorpe sneered. "Ja! We created the mini-shake and we were the ones who masqueraded as the authorities!"

Emory smiled. "I looked pretty good in a wig."

"What are you fiends up to?" Frylock asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know!?" Oglethorpe spokified.

"That is why he asked." Emory said.

"We've already heard that crap!" Frylock said. "Now answer the question or I'll zap you!"

"You don't have to go that far!" Oglethorpe protested.

"Yeah man, chillax." Emory said.

"Answers!" Frylock demanded.

Oglethorpe sighed and said, "Ve made ze mini-shake in order to... TAKE OVER THE WORLD HA HA HA!!!"

"How exactly do you plan to do that?" Frylock pressed him.

"Um... vell ve hadn't gotten that far yet." Oglethorpe stated.

"You guys are complete morons."

"See, I told you it was a bad plan dude!" Emory said.

"Oh, there you go again!" Oglethorpe complained. "I don't hear you making any plans!"

"Whatever." Frylock said slamming the door. The Plutonians continued to argue until Shake arrived home with Too Hot Too Studley in tow.

"Oh look, it's Herr Mini-Shake!" Oglethorpe exclaimed.

"I am Too Hot Too Studley." he corrected them.

"Push ze button!" Oglethorpe told Emory and he pushed the button as hard as he could causing Too Hot Too Studley to explode!

"Nooooo!!!" Shake cried.

"Now Emory, initiate phase three of our world domination scheme!" Oglethorpe commanded.

"Phase three?" he asked. "You never told me about phase three, you just said push the button man."

"Damnit Emory! How will we ever take over the world now!?"

"I don't know man, it was your plan!" he replied.

Shake picked up a two by four wrapped in barbed wire and lit it on fire. "You bastards are about to pay!"

"Chillax dude!" Emory told him. Master Shake began swinging at the Plutonians who became afraid and ran to their spaceship taking off.

"Holy crap!" Meatwad exclaimed.

"Yeah Shake, that was pretty badass of you." Frylock told him.

Shake smiled, "Yeah, I guess it was, wasn't it?"

Next week, a funeral was held for Too Hot Too Studley. Then the chapter ended because it had gone on long enough.


End file.
